To our horror, modern day times have given birth to a horrible self harm mechanism: cutting.  But many of us practice self harm in smaller, seemingly less unthinkable ways to great effect- by eating food or drinking alcohol we know is poisoning us.  Even ceding our will to gravity and acquiescing to physical decline can be contributing to our own demise and devaluing our presence on the planet.  But every day, the light is returning, and we can use nature’s reality to inspire our own return to health.  To do so requires putting ourselves first, in a world that teaches us women, very efficiently, not to do that.

First, a confession.  I don’t put myself first.  I put my children first, and I suspect many other mothers would say the same.  But- because I have come to terms with that, I’ve been able to put myself second.  My children are watching me, even from their respected places of advanced study.  If I neglect myself and my health for work, I am teaching them to do the same.  If I am deprioritizing my own mental and physical health because I am too busy working for others, I am teaching them to do the same.  Instead, I am opting to model balance, self care, value and worth, and a healthy relationship with the food sustaining me.  

This takes an incredible force of will.  On the daily, my biggest nemesis is just a reach away- gorgeous, fluffy, soft, warm sour dough bread, toasted with butter.  YUM.  I have learned that the yum is followed by OW.  My joints become inflamed, my gut forgets how to function beautifully the way it was born to do, and I stop thinking about meaningful things.  Instead, a bite of an unhealthy baked good becomes a gateway to more self inflicted harm.  Many would say- “indulge!  Don’t be so stringent!” But the fact of the matter is, I want to be as healthy as I can be as I age.  I want to dance into my elder years.  I want to feel good.  I don’t want frequent migraines and imbalance disguised as diabetes.  So, I am learning to fight for my health, and hope that as I work to restore the soil around me and the soil of my biome in concert, I will be showing my children how to love, care and honor themselves into their own futures.  

May we all let the light return, over the earth, over our health, over our communities of connection.  It’s worth the will and discipline.  We are worth it.  And most importantly, our planet needs our fully able-bodied selves…because planet protection is the fight of the ages.